I’m in a new relationship. Long distance. It sucks. The distance, not the relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to find something to talk about on the phone everyday but still want to hear your boyfriend’s voice? It turns into talk about the weather and work when we should be talking to each other about how we spent our summers as kids and when we’re going to see each other again.
This week was especially challenging. Boyfriend rearranged his schedule to accommodate me while I was in Maui the week prior. In return, he worked the last seven straight days at no less than 10 hours per day. The result? I had a kind of grouchy, not really present man on my hands. A first of his that I had to deal with. I freaked out (on the inside) on a daily basis. The man I’ve been falling for texts 100 times a day and tells me how beautiful I am and makes me feel like the only woman in the world. This other man had me questioning the stability of our relationship. He was a little too deadpanned, a lot more sarcastic without the follow up of his silly laugh, and not the least bit reassuring that we were on solid ground.
I’d been reading articles on the interwebs of advice on how to make a long distance relationship last and trying my best not to run to my core group of girls. I didn’t want them to think there was trouble in paradise so early on in the relationship. But let’s get one thing straight, I am Rachel and I am overthinker. So naturally, I sought out their advice. A co-worker of mine dealt with long distance for five months with her boyfriend while he was in Panama. Of course, that was after they had about three solid years of dating under their belt. My sister explained to me how her current relationship unfolded and the changes from the honeymoon phase to present day. And then, there’s Bestest in Florida. I became all too unraveled with her. Thankfully, she verbally bitch slapped me, picked me up, dusted me off, and reminded me that he’s been working his ass off and not to panic. Panic turns into crazy and that’s not a good look. She suggested I keep busy and keep up with my own social calendar. The less I’m at home waiting for his phone call or text, the quicker it will happen. I assume, sort of like watching water boil.
Let’s add to the equation that his best friend is moving to the island next week. Now, Boyfriend hasn’t said anything to me that would make me feel comfortable about this person packing up and moving to where he is. He’s been described to me as a degenerate and someone fun to party with. (His words, not mine.) Great. This guy, who may or may not know about me (he should) will most likely not give a shit enough to have any bit of respect for our relationship. And of course, Boyfriend is going to be stoked that his bestie is there. I would be, too! Party on. But call me before you go to bed.
I still tend to live life a little more on the side of fear than love even after reading Spirit Junkie by Gabrielle Bernstein. It’s a process I’m continually working on but let’s get real, possibly falling in love is scary as hell! It’s so easy to get caught up in the ‘What ifs?’. What if I like/love him more than he likes/loves me? What if he decides he doesn’t want to be in a long distance relationship anymore? What if he never calls? What if I get ghosted? What if I’m wasting my time?
Things I should be thinking: Why am I not living in the moment? Why not enjoy the ride? What can I do to make the long distance a pro instead of a con? Maybe he IS making every effort to be closer to me.
But today, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Boyfriend slept in. He lounged around the pool. He relaxed! Then, he called and his voice sounded like it did a week earlier. Cheerful, lively, and sexy as hell. I’m sure he had a pep in his step, too. And just like that, I HAD MY AMAZING BOYFRIEND BACK AGAIN.
Lesson learned! He was doing the best he could juggling work, a relationship, and his sanity. Thankfully, I listened to my girls and didn’t rattle off my list of concerns. Now I know, Boyfriend needs to decompress like the rest of us.