Last night, one of my soul sisters came over. She came to borrow a dress for an upcoming trip to Miami but it turned into talking shit over wine and then crying into tequila shots while dancing to Beyoncé in the kitchen.

I wish I could say it was an uncommon occurrence, this thing of she and I crying together. However, we are two incredibly strong women that have gone through some shit. Day in and day out we put on a brave face and handle it like a boss. It only makes sense that we get together, understand we’re in a safe place with one another, and let out a good cry.

Tonight’s reason for tears? Reminiscing about The One That Got Away. Yes, gentlemen, y’all aren’t the only ones that fuck up a good thing when you have it.

The topic was brought about when I mentioned two of my exes have babies due around my birthday in the next couple of weeks. One ex was a real pain in the ass yet the other ex is one of my favorite ex-boyfriends. I have nothing but love for him still. Well, the less than desirable ex already had his baby so I’m keeping my fingers crossed for the favorite one. Now, how funny would it be if the babies were born on my birthday, May 4th, and these guys are like, ‘why does that date sound so familiar?’ and then it hits them. RACHEL FUCKING CANADA. *insert devilish smirk here*

Now, we’ve moved on to TOTGA. Mine is married. Kids. The whole nine yards. Hers has just moved on. Blocked her number and on all social media. Number blocked until last night when I suggested we make a bold gesture (my favorite when I’ve copped a great buzz) and get in touch with him through a mutual friend. You know, for closure.

Here’s a little back story on their relationship. Five years. Apartment and dog together. Grew apart because of conflicting schedules. She moved out and on pretty quickly to a new state and with a new guy. However, after a little time had passed, she realized, ‘fuck, what if I had just put in a little work and a little more time? Did I just fuck up the best thing that’s happened to me?’

It’s incredible what time does to a person. It can heal wounds. Make us forget things. Even makes some of us wiser.

Do you know how many times I’ve asked myself if I ‘fucked up the best thing that’s ever happened to me?’ I’ve wondered if I just had a little more patience with this person if it could’ve worked. Maybe if I had just been kinder, less stubborn, was an active listener instead of a reactor, maybe maybe maybe maybe. But a person doesn’t recognize these things until a little time has passed.

Society likes to tell us that when it’s right, the relationship won’t need work. BULLSHIT. Do you know how much I have to work on myself to be happy when I wake up in the morning? Do you know how much I have to work to not tell people exactly what I think of them? Do you know how much I have to work to maintain friendships when I’d rather Netflix and Chill by myself with a box of wine? Relationships, either with yourself or with others, TAKE WORK. When the great sex dwindles. When the sound of your partner snoring makes you want to hold a pillow over their face. When your friends complain they never see you anymore. These things take work. These things need nurturing and attention and patience.

Needless to say, we didn’t find the closure we were looking for with her ex. He did text and basically told her never to contact him again and blocked her number. Again. I guess he’s not going to accept my social media request.

Was this lesson painful? Fuck yes it was. It was fucking rejection and rejection hurts like hell. But give it a little time and maybe that rejection catapults you straight to the love of your life.